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The tyrant children

The tyrant children


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When can you say that a child is a tyrant? Child tyranny exists and must be fought and controlled. How? Javier Urra,Doctor of Psychology, first Ombudsman for Children of the Community of Madrid and author of the book The little dictator. When parents are the victims, tells us about tyrant children, a behavior problem that parents face in today's society. Knowing how to identify the causes and put limits on children in their education is essential to curb this attitude, which can do so much damage to parents.

The profile of a tyrant child begins at a young age. A tyrant child is not only capricious, he is not one who has Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Deficit (ADHD) or is characterized by being hyperactive. He is not only an oppositionist, he is a child who, from a very young age, feels pleasure and enjoys twisting the wrist of his father or mother, to get what he wants. He is a child characterized by a fundamental philosophical principle, which is first me and then me. He thinks that the whole world revolves around him, and that he does not have to put himself in the place of grandfather or grandmother. He shows no empathy and doesn't mind getting hysterical or yelling at a department store door to achieve his goals.

His behavior becomes more and more pathological as he grows older. It is possible that at 7 years old he threw away the chorizo ​​sandwich because he wanted it made of cheese, that at 12 years old he began to insult his mother and at 13 years old, he went to do his physiological needs in the bathroom, while his mother was is showering.

This is a process that is degenerating, with a very bad prognosis in a short time. It has nothing to do with the adolescent who slams the parents, which is natural and healthy, but with someone who harasses, who is very despotic, abusive and, usually, against the mother. A third of the small dictators are already girls, which is a bad prognosis for this society, but the serious thing is that it is a form of gender violence, because the one who experiences it is always the mother. The boy is characterized by attacking the mother or even slapping her because she did not wash his shirt, for example, and the risk for the future partner of that boy is very high.

We have to educate our children in empathy to put themselves in the place of the other, in mirror neurons, in sensitivity, in compassion, in knowing how to forgive and knowing how to forgive oneself. You are not born a dictator.

There are women who are alone in life and it is difficult to educate from loneliness, there are others who are with their husbands, but it is as if they were alone, there are parents who separate and abuse the other or ridicule the mother, there are cases where that the mother brings two children and the father another two, but they do not have the moral strength to instruct the biological child or we see parents in a hamburger restaurant sitting in front of the 14-year-old son and not knowing what to say because they do not know him. In these cases, the children grow up in contradiction without a real reference in their education.

There is a toxic aspect of society in general that says that children come first. Let's see, children are important, but they are not the first, I say so, I was the first Ombudsman for Children. It seems essential to me that they go to a hospital to meet sick children, that they go to the grandmother who has Alzheimer's, who may not know what she says, but does feel, that they go to camp and that they know what the effort is. And if we do not put that antidote, that vaccine, we will continue with the problem. In the last year, we have had 8,000 complaints from the 14 to 18-year-old group, which is 1,000 more than the previous year, and the prognosis is not good, you have to educate from the first moment, you have to socialize, and set limits, accept frustrations and knowing how to differentiate.

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