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Why are there children who behave better with father or mother

Why are there children who behave better with father or mother


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Sometimes there are parents who complain that their children behave wonderfully when they are with their partners alone, but that when they are with them things change and children seem to transform and they behave totally differently, especially when the children are younger.

Tantrums can be a way to express this negative behavior, and it should be remembered that a tantrum not only manifests in 2-year-olds, it can manifest itself even in adults, but in different ways. But these tantrums usually manifest themselves when two-year-olds do not have enough verbal skills to express what they feel at that moment, but when they start to get older they also happen when they do not know how to express in words the emotions they have inside.

Mothers for all children symbolize protection and the response to the needs of children, for which children innately associate their mothers with survival. In this sense, children will increase their behavior to attract the attention of their mother in the way they can when they feel that any of these aspects are not met.

Parents, on the other hand, represent trust, risks and games for children. So children are not so desperate to get their parents' attention unless they need something more concrete that is not met by either side. But they don't feel that survival connection that they feel with mothers.

Children can behave differently with a father or a mother to get the attention that at that moment they crave. For example, if a mother or father gives attention to children when they have a tantrum or a tantrum, this behavior may continue forever since the child will have learned that their tantrums have a response from that parent and will try to call your attention in this way.

When this happens the father or the mother who notices that his son behaves worse when he is next to him, may have some solutions up his sleeve.

1. The first thing to work on it's verbal skills of the child depending on how old they are and to help them put words to their emotions. If the child is very young, they will have to be helped to calm down without paying attention to the tantrum and use, for example, the bottle of calm (Montessori pedagogy).

2. When the child stops having the tantrum with the help of his parents, he should be congratulated so that he understands that he is able to calm down and be able to redirect his behavior in the presence of the father or mother with whom he behaves better. But in no case should they be told phrases such as: 'With me you behave worse than with your father / mother', 'You are mean to me', etc. These phrases will only help reinforce negative behavior.

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